How To Save a Life
by angietheunicorn
Summary: after new moon. Jacob hears a song that reminds him of what he lost. Pre-clipse


Disclaimer

Yeah, so have you heard the newest rumor? Really? It's crazy, someone said I own the Twilight series! Crazy huh?

Jacob Black opened his eyes, seeing the cluttered desk before him. He rubbed his eyes, stretching his knotted muscles. His desk was cluttered with small notes that got pushed and crumbled as his palms skidded across the desk. The radio was playing soft rock.

He had fallen asleep on the desk once again. He yawned, and then proceeded looking at the desk. All the notes were crumpled, all having the same scrawl on them. He looked at one of them

_Jake, please, we really need to talk. Call me. Bella_

He picked up another one.

_Jacob Black, stop ignoring my notes! Please, call me! Bella_

He remembered their last parting. Words of anger had been traded, and her face seemed crushed.

But he couldn't keep the promise. They had grown apart.

"This is K-Frog, with Bella Sanchez on the phone." The host of the radio said, and a crackly, unfamiliar voice filled the speakers.

"Jake, Jacob Burns, this is Bella, if you hear this, please, call me. I miss you." Her voice broke, and he could hear sobbing. It wasn't Bella, even though they had the same name. The host came back on, his smooth voice comforting the girl.

"If you could have him hear one song, what song would you want him to hear?" the host asked.

"How To Save a Life, By Fray." She said, and the Host shuffled, putting it on.

Jacob sat there, listening as the piano solo started, then the person started singing.

_Step one you say we need to talk  
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk  
He smiles politely back at you  
You stare politely right on through  
Some sort of window to your right  
As he goes left and you stay right  
Between the lines of fear and blame  
You begin to wonder why you came  
_

How is it that the song seemed to be telling of his relationship with Bella? He didn't want to turn the radio off, but he didn't want to even think that the song could be Bella's point of view. How is it that the Bella on the radio had a friend named Jacob that wasn't returning calls? It was just a coincident.

_Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness  
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life  
_

If only he had been different. If only he hadn't shut her out.

He stared into space, not feeling the morning shill, nor hearing the rain that poured over the roof, splashing from the awnings to harmonize gently with the piano melody. He listened carefully, noticing how the lyrics matched up with what she might have been thinking.

_Let him know that you know best  
Cause after all you do know best  
Try to slip past his defense  
Without granting innocence  
Lay down a list of what is wrong  
The things you've told him all along  
And pray to God he hears you  
And pray to God he hears you_

But he hadn't heard her. She tried to tell him, Bella had called every night, and Bella had left notes in his locker. She had passed notes through Charlie and Billy, and yet, he had refused to talk to her. His fingers itched to pick the phone up, but then he would have to talk to Edward, or he knew Edward would be there. Stupid bloodsucker.

_Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
somewhere along in the bitterness  
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life_

If only he hadn't ignored her. Jacob put his hands to his eyes, rubbing them, not only from sleep, but as if to clear them, to see things clearly. He looked onward, eyes not focusing, only hearing the music. All those times he had seen something wrong in their relationship, yet he had passed it off as nothing. Why did he do that?

_As he begins to raise his voice  
You lower yours and grant him one last choice  
Drive until you lose the road  
Or break with the ones you've followed  
He will do one of two things  
He will admit to everything  
Or he'll say he's just not the same  
And you'll begin to wonder why you came  
_

His mind flashed back to the last fight they had. It had been a terrible one, and by the end, she had red, puffy cheeks.

Of coarse, that might have been because he had proposed a deal that was totally unfair. She wouldn't leave Edward, not even for him. That had been their last fight. She had gone quiet, listening to his argument. He could still remember the look in her burning Hazel eyes. It was one of sorrow, like watching a brother drink himself to death, knowing it's killing him, but letting him still have his agency to do it, even though you were sure he would regret it. She knew that this was going to happen. Bella had known. He had thought he knew what was good for her. When she said she knew what was best for herself, he had ignored her, and now, look at where he was now. Maybe she had seen it from Alice, another stupid Blood sucker. But still, she had let him do it, she had kept calling, she had tried.

Jacob felt the tears start to fall. they splattered over all the notes she had sent. The writing started to bleed together. Now he had lost her friendship. He had lost what they had.

_Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness  
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life  
_

How had he been so stupid? Was it too late? He didn't know what was going on between them, he didn't know if she was doing anything anywhere. He picked up the phone, dialing her cell phone. After five rings, he slammed the phone down, calling her house. The rain pounded harder, and the base of the song beat out, mixing and twirling with the sound of the rain. The sound of his heart beat out against the silence and melody, and his hand burned unusually hot.

_Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness  
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life  
_

He got the answering machine.

This is Chief Swan, if you call and I don't pick up, I'm busy. If today is Tuesday, the 30th, then I'm at my daughter's funeral. The voice broke, and Jake could hear sniffling. He slammed the phone down, horror and guilt starting to creep into his heart

_How to save a life  
How to save a life  
_

He dug into the pile on his desk; pulling out the newspaper that Billy had put on his desk a couple of weeks ago. He hadn't bothered to look at it at the time. Now he could see what Billy wanted him to see. A picture of a car accident was splashed against the dull paper of the front page. He saw the form of Edward against the background, sobbing and holding his head. The twisted hunk of Metal had once been a car, and he could see the welts where the tires had skidded off the rode, and into the trees.

He looked in horror as he recognized the twisted form of the Volvo Edward drove. He read that Isabella Swan had died in the hospital. The funeral would be today.

Jacob knew she wasn't dead, but that she was going to become a Vampire. She Loved Edward so much, she was willing to give away her warmth, her mortality. She was willing to go through three days of extreme pain, for Edward.

Jacob felt something in him become guilty. Was he a friend like that? Did he love her like that?

The paper slipped from his numb fingers, his eyes staring into space.

_Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness  
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life  
_

She was surely going to be a Vampire. He hadn't really believed that, but it seemed that way. He couldn't believe it. Why hadn't she told him?

He looked down at the notes, and picked one up.

_Dear Jake,_

_I'm changing tomorrow, at the Cullen's, and then I will move away with them. I'm sorry it had to end this way. Charlie doesn't know; so I would appreciate you don't tell him. I know you will be angry, but by the time you convince him, I will be long gone. Charlie thinks I will be dead. I didn't want to write this before, because I don't want Charlie to have a heart attack if you ever use this to try and get him to hunt me down._

_I called you almost everyday, yet you didn't call back. I miss you forever, but I'm going to live my life. Please understand this._

_Bella._

She had told him, but he hadn't listened. She had not wanted to write this letter.

It was because of the motorcycle incident, he was sure. She had asked him to keep a secret, the secret of their motorcycle, but he didn't, and he flaunted it to keep her away from Edward. She had gotten into so much trouble with her father. And it was because of his selfish desires. He felt the tears pour down his cheeks.

It did so much good, right. Because now, she was with him and they were living happily ever after, oh wait, no they weren't, she was going to be a vampire, was supposedly dead, with Edward and the Cullens, and he was sitting here, crying over his actions.

Now he would never see her again. By the time she would be able to come back, he would most Likely be dead, not to mention she might never come back, all those harmful memories would still be here, waiting for her. The song faded, the Piano dropped out, and all that was left was the base, then even that stopped. The rain seemed to pound harder to fill the void of excess sound.

He cried, drying his tears at the song ended. The host's voice came back over the radio

" Please, Jacob, call Isabella, you don't want her to have to carry this burden. If you call her, your friendship might be saved. If you don't what if she dies tomorrow, or in a month, do you think you want to feel bad for this?" in the background, the girl, Isabella, was crying.

He flipped the Radio off, his fingers trembling. He felt like his heart was going to rip in two. The anger and guilt welled until he felt it threatening to spill over. He had to get out, or he would rip this room to pieces.

He ran outside in a blur, running through the forest. He stopped at the rain soaked him, sobbing and screaming his pain. He didn't feel the cold air. He didn't feel the rain. All he felt was the void that was now his heart. He thought he had good reason for what he did. He thought he was doing what was best for her. But he was wrong. He should have seen that. But now, she was gone from him. it might have been better if she never met him, but she did, and he had tried to protect her.

But instead of protecting her, he had caused her grief. She had Victoria after her, she had the volteri after her, not to mention she had to go to school, have a job, keep secrets from her father, not to mention anything else she had to do. And on top of all that, she had to deal with him. What kind of friend was he? He couldn't save her from the pain; he didn't try. He couldn't save her life.

_Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness  
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life  
How to save a life_

_How to save a life_

_A/N. how did you like this? _


End file.
